The Book of Bieb by God

Author:God
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

CHAPTER 10 (“THE LAST TEMPTATION OF BIEB”)

1 Then in a vision Bieb saw Selena extend her hand to his; which at first he took for mockery, as his hand was not exactly extendable.

2 And she said, “Bieb, thou art the Son of God, but not the Messiah; not even close; honestly, Leif Garrett was more a Messiah than thou.

3 Therefore come down from that cross, for the L ORD is pleased with thee, and wants thee to be happy with me, actress Selena Gomez.”

4 As if by magic the nails fell from Justin’s limbs; he stepped off the cross, and disappeared into the tailwind of pop culture.

5 He went to rehab at Clean Futures Clinic in New Canaan, a far more modern and convenient facility than the original in old Canaan.

6 For six months did he abase himself, scrub toilets, relive his past, reclaim his future; he did it all; I told thee, the kid works hard.

7 By the time he was released into Selena’s waiting arms, he had got unto a good place; and better yet, had been entirely forgotten.

8 And so Selena and Justin settled down unto a normal life; they bought a home; they had children; they joined the PTA.

9 Sometimes he was recognized; on occasion he was profiled in magazines; now and then he did the odd nostalgia convention.

10 But he was, as Selena had promised he would be, happy; he was a happy nobody, bearing the weight of no one else’s love or scorn.

11 So Justin grew humble and docile; he renounced his frontin’, abandoned all pretense of swag, and laser-removed his tats.

12 Until one day, after many decades had passed, Justin, on his way to meet his grandkids in the playground, saw Khalil.

13 They embraced each other warmly, and Justin said, “Khalil, I bear thee no anger; for I am contented, and my life is full.

14 My life has been transformed unto peace and gladness, ever since I was talked off the cross by Selena; yea, there she is now.”

15 And Khalil gazed upon the woman approaching them, smiling; and he trembled in recognition, and said, “Bieb, that is Satan!”

16 Whereupon Gomez transformed into a shrieking, cackling beast; and Bieb saw he’d been tricked; he was no mere man, but Bieb, Son of God.

17 In an instant he was back on the cross, begging his heavenly father to die; and he smiled, screamed, “It is accomplished!”; and died.

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